Years ago I was living at home with my parents after a failed relationship. I was lost. A lot of what I thought would be in my future with this man; a family, a home, settling down ended with that relationship. Before deciding to move back home, I tried a number of things to move on. All of these things were just self-destructive. Drinking to forget. Creating a new circle of friends that were no good for me. Every night for about 3 months I would dream of driving on a highway. I saw very vividly the white dashes that lined the roads and the signs going out of Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, etc… All the way to Michigan. I was being called to go home. I finally did in the summer of 2007. When I arrived I was terrified. I was in my mid thirties and hadn’t lived at home for a while. I felt like a failure. I remember when I pulled in the driveway every other house on the street was for sale. It was Michigan and the automotive industry was doing horribly. My first thought: how was I going to get a job and move out?
This journey home wasn’t about finding a job or being a failure. It was about healing. I didn’t have the answers and that is exactly why I moved there. Of course, I didn’t know it still and made some huge mistakes while living there. I was living with my parents! It was a daily reminder of not being adult enough to get through my problems. Little did I know it’s exactly what I needed. They offered me a place to live and recover. And after a few months of being well, stupid. I devoted my time to healing. That meant learning what I needed from that failed relationship so I could move on. I started by reading a lot of self-help books. I was a BIG fan of The Secret. A lot of the teachers on that movie I had already been familiar. Many of whom published book titles as an offshoot from this movie. One book was by Jack Canfield called, “Key to Living the Law of Attraction; A simple guide to creating the life of your dreams”. I opened it up and did some of the exercises. There was one important exercise about writing down exactly what you want in a partner/spouse. If you couldn’t think of things right away, Jack Canfield’s advice was to write everything you don’t want and that will help you to choose what you do want. As you can imagine, what I did not want came out of me like wildfire!!
After that first year I decided that I had a little savings to take a few trips to “get away” from well, living at my parents. Don’t get me wrong they are wonderful people but I needed some freedom. By this time I had managed a nice full-time job on a temporary contract. Taking time off just meant no pay. I could live with that. I wanted to travel. My last trip that year was to the Netherlands to witness a friend’s wedding. It was here that I met my ideal spouse. It didn’t occur to me until months after we were together that he is EVERYTHING on that list I had written. Every time we go back to my parents for a visit I search from top to bottom for that book. Just so I can see exactly what I wrote. No matter where I look I can not find it. But I’ve come to believe I am not supposed to find it. I already know what I need to know. It is not the list that matters, only the LOVE that I found.